Back from the dead

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the 9th wonder of the world is back on the map and ready for anything!

Hey everybody, I just arrived into wonderful, beautiful, not-as-humid-as-philly California! It has been a long journey but I am finally home and glad to be back.

I know, I know what you all are thinking: "IS THIS ALL HE'S GONNA TALK ABOUT???" Well, I want to give you all cold hard facts about the most anal flight attendants ever and how this lady wanted to give ME, of all people, the responsibility of her 1st time flyer on board a packed flight to Minneapolis! This will wait until morning.

I am tired, drained , and exhausted traveling the country today, BUT!

Here is the lesson of the evening kids: Be nice to grandma.

Grandma, grandpa, godfather, godmother...hell, even Marlon fucking Brando. Be nice to them. Don't you realize you are competing with your cousin's and siblings for thier affections, money, and free stuff? more importantly, at the end of the day...their attention? You ALL KNOW that g-pa's and g-ma's play favorites and that is what i am telling you, readers. Call them. See how they're doing. Ask them how bingo/mahjong/canasta/bridge/horse races/ice fishing went the previous day. Old people love that stuff. All you have to do in return is reply "uh huh" and promise a visit with the fam in the not too distant future. In all seriousness though, after spending about a week's worth of time with my grandma and family in Philly, I have learned to appreciate everything I have in my family. Though we may not be large in size (because we're not catholic?), I found that being reunited at my cousin's wedding, we make up for it with heart. I have not seen some of my cousins in over decade! INCLUDING THE GROOM! We played catch up with hilrious stories (some including my dad working at my uncle's bong shop where crazy shit went down in the 70s and how my uncle could have played Pablo Escobar in the A&E Biography) And they also know the best pizza places in town!

You may not like to admit it and wish to be to cool for school but I am damn proud to say that: I love my grandma. (also, i love her because she doesn't give a shit about anybody on the road when she drives. It's hilarious. I feared for my life everytime she got behind the wheel)


So between now and my next post (this afternoon), give your AARP-gold member grandpappy or bingo-highlighter wielding granny a call just because...and I promise it will be more rewarding than you think.

Here's to Tomorrow!